Outfit Post: Confessions of a control freak

There's a long list of things I would like to change about myself. There's my tendency to procrastinate - folding the laundry and cleaning the bathrooms and vacuuming and carrying out a myriad of other household tasks. There's my propensity towards driving too fast on the highway. And let's not forget my intolerance towards people that bring more than 15 items to the express check-out line at the supermarket. However, if I had to name what I'd consider my greatest character "challenge,"  I'd say it's my need to feel in control. I go through life the way I drive: gripping the steering wheel until my arms get all scary and veiny and it looks like I'm going to rip the damm wheel off.

Those with issues around control tend to be described by the following attributes: They are dominating, and picky, and highly critical. They are raving perfectionists. They would rather give orders than take them. Someone with control issues finds winning an argument much more fulfilling than finding the right solution, and often makes the people around them anxious, if not alienated. Furthermore, those with control problems often have difficulty trusting others and have a profound fear of having their flaws exposed. Exerting control over our environment is a fundamental human need, but in a certain portion of the population, the mechanism for managing such a need simply doesn't exist. "Control freaks try and control every aspect of the environment," says executive coach Jon Stokes of Stokes & Jolly. "They obsesses. They try to assemble masses of information"

I rationally understand that it's simply not possible for me to always be in control. But more often than not, I find myself struggling to feel like I am. Whether it's insisting on certain seat in a restaurant (usually facing the front entrance, so I can keep tabs on anyone entering and leaving,) or imagining any number of horrific scenarios (so I can work them through in my mind and plan exactly how I'll respond,) my need to feel in control of myself and my circumstances has a significant impact on my life.

For a long time, my need to control was directed at my body. From the foods I put in my mouth to the amount of calories I consumed, I was most definitely in charge and no one - no one - could change that. Studies have shown that many anorexic individuals try to exert control over their bodies through deprivation of food, because they feel very little control over any other aspect of their lives.

But now that I'm solidly in recovery, my control issues squeak out through my shopping habits and wardrobe. I'm constantly in search of the "perfect" piece - the right shade of denim skirt, the sublime touch of a glossy fur, the preppy cut of a slim vintage blazer, the glistening sparkle of a sequined top - and having the perfect wardrobe. It seems I never have the right items to make an outfit look, well, perfect. Nevermind the fact that my closet door is bursting off its hinges. I am convinced that if I keep shopping, and searching, somehow I'll get it right. And if I'm not shopping I'm reorganizing my closet, purging and categorizing and color-coding every item I own. When I feel my life is out of control, this is my self-soothing mechanism. I can't control how often my husband is out of town for work or what my kids do at school,  so I attempt to ease my anxiety by obsessing about shopping, the state of my closet, and dressing "perfectly."

For many women, the search for control is an anxiety management technique of choice. Focusing about what others are doing, compulsively trying make something perfect, or obsessing about appearance are ways through which we create a false sense of security in an unpredictable world. Yesterday, as I was reorganizing and editing and obsessing and categorizing my closet, I wondered if I was the only one who struggled with control issues.  The quest to make everything perfect seems to be something we all deal with at one point or another. Do you think there's a connection between a search for control and perfectionism? Has anyone ever called you a control freak? Do you have to deal with someone who fits the description? How has that affected your relationship?

(Have you entered my giveaway for a gift bag and new bronzing products from The Body Shop? Enter here!)

Lucky Brand jacket; thrfted J Crew chambray shirt; Forever 21 lace top; Gap Outlet jeggings; White Mountain sandals; Charming Charlie rings and bracelets

Outfit Post: The best mobile fashion, style, and shopping apps

One gloriously bright July morning, I emerged from my bedroom and took the usual zombie-like walk into my kitchen. Rubbing my eyes sleepily, I reached for the coffee pot and felt my fingers brunch against something unfamiliar. It was rectangular, and formidable, and oddly bulky. It wasn't until my eyes opened completely that I realized it was a box, and that I was the proud new owner of an iPhone.

See, it was the morning of my birthday, and my husband had finally listened to my demands for a new phone. The one I'd been using was...unfortunate. It had a cracked screen, squeaky flip cover and was covered in ancient layers of grime from my kids' sticky fingers. Texting on it was lesson in patience, fortitude, and dexterity. And texts from me looked something like this: "R U Th TXW THR THER ARGHHHHHH H8!!!!!!!! And so on.

From the start, iPhone both thrilled and terrified me, much in the way Karl Lagerfeld does to his celebrity muse du jour. It was my baby. The gods at Apple had entrusted it to my care, and I was going to do my best to learn it's quixotic and somewhat temperamental ways. Sometimes iPhone threw tantrums and randomly drained its own battery. On occasion, it butt-dialed small businesses. And iPhone's screen often went blank if tiled at a disagreeable angle. Oh, and there's also the fact that syncing to iTunes once resulted in the disappearance of EVERY SINGLE SONG I'D EVER PURCHASED. That was a very very bad day. But, eventually, we put our issues aside, and today our relationship is stronger than ever.

I've become quite attached to iPhone, and find it a necessary tool when trying to find a new thrift shop, do research on a blog post, or kill time waiting on a doctor's appointment. Sadly,  though, I'm not the most technically advanced person, and often feel I'm not utilizing the phone as fully as I could be. Aside from purchasing books through Amazon's app I rarely use it for shopping. I find it challenging to examine items on a small screen, and the pages are often slow to load. Perhaps most frustrating, the process of entering information on a mobile keyboard requires either surgical precision or very teeny tiny fingers.

The New York Times recently explored the unexpected challenges retailers are experiencing with generating customers through mobile devices. Retailers report that only about 2 percent of their sales are coming from smart phones, well below the expectations of many e-commerce analysts.The potential for added revenue from mobile sales remains huge, retailers believe. EBay said that in 2010 it generated almost $2 billion in mobile sales, and is on track to double that this year.

But major retailers like Coach, J Crew, Urban Outfitters and Loft still do not have sites designed specifically for mobile phones - known as optimized sites - and nor do they have apps. By mid-2010, according to the Acquity Group, just 12 percent of the top 500 United States online retailers had sites compatible with mobile browsers, while just 7 percent had apps. Many sites that are not optimized require page after page of confirmations about shipping methods or credit cards, even for an existing customer who has logged in. Entering a credit card and a billing address and all that sort of stuff is truly frustrating when using a mobile device. It's clunky, and time-consuming, and usually results in a customer abandoning their order.

Christian Louboutain once famously asked, "What is an app?" admitting, "I'm a very bad technician. Technology, zero." However, more designers and fashion retails are warming up to the idea of e-commerce, and several biggies have rolled out iPhone apps to show off collections and allow users to shop. After a bit of research I did uncover a number of mobile fashion and shopping apps for my iPhone that are streamlined and relatively easy to use. Sadly, android users continue to have limited options, but increased attention on mobile sales will hopefully lead to the creation of android fashion and shopping apps in the near future.

Here are some highly rated fashion, style and shopping apps:

• Chicfeed: This app pulls photos from the internet's most respected style blogs, including The Satorialist and Lookbook. If you're seeking quick eye-candy, there's no better way to see loads of style photos all in one spot. 

• Shopstyle Mobile: This site's spinoff app aggregates clothing and accessories from more than 100 e-commerce sites (Asos, Bluefly, and Neiman Marcus among them.) Explore indiscriminately, or search by keyword, brand, store, price, color, size and sale. If you find something you love, the app directs you to an online retailer. 

• Pinterest: Pinterest is a website that lets you 'pin' photos and images from the web to a virtual bulletin board, and has a rabid following with bloggers. It requires an invite to join, though you can put your name on the miles-long waiting list for an account. Debuting this morning, the Pinterest app allows users to pin images through their mobile phones, browse other user's pins, reply and 'like' your favorite pins, and pin with your iPhone camera. It's a handy way to create a virtual shopping list and track trends.

• iShoes: Explore more than 50,000 shoes in the Finder, or search by style and designer. The app indicates which pairs are on sale and connects you straight to retailers.The  iShoes app is free, and offers decent-sized close-ups of each item.

• Lucky at Your Service: Another free app, this one uses GPS, e-commerce and real-life staffers to locate editor-approved clothing, shoes, accessories and beauty products. Once you've found that amazing piece, the app directs you to the online retailer, and, in select cases, to a store within 50 miles that stocks it. Even better, the Lucky concierge team can call the store to place the item on hold for you. The concierge team sends you an email within an hour with details how you can pick up your new garment.

• Net-A-Porter (and Gilt Group): These genius apps for luxury clothing and accessories alert you every time their main sites are updated with new products.You can also create wish lists, purchase items, and read weekly fashion news.

• Sephora: This app puts everything you love about beauty products at your fingertips. You can browse products based on brand, new products, and online exclusives; look up specific shade names and formulations; watch expert tutorials; read product reviews; and get news on special online offers. You can also easily review past orders.

• eBay: The goliath of auction shopping, the eBay app allows you to seamlessly search for items and place bids. The app allows you to watch items, search by brand, price, and keyword, and links with Paypal to permit instant payment. It also provides personal recommendations of auctions based on recent purchases. 

 
Do you have any favorite shopping and fashion apps? Do you use your mobile device for shopping? Would increased availability of retail apps encourage you to use your phone for shopping?

Vintage thrifted silk top; Gap Outlet cargos; Target belt; H&M platform clogs; Forever 21 rhinestone pyramid bracelet; Charming Charlie pearl bracelets and gold bangles; Forever 21 rhinestone earrings; Loft coral ring; Betsey Johnson gold watch

Outfit Post: Cocktails in stores - yay or nay?

I have a little Wednesday night ritual. I change out of my clothes into an ancient pair of Anthropologie pajama pants and a Michael Stars tank, pour a double shot of Makers Mark whiskey, and cocoon into a fluffy throw blanket on the couch. Then I turn on the teevee, turn off the lights, and watch Modern Family, Cougar Town and In The Middle while cackling with delight. Then I'll flick to TBS and catch my super secret husband Timothy Olyphant on Justified.  Occasionally, when these shows are repeats, I bring my shot of whiskey over to my laptop and engage in a little online window shopping. By ten p.m I feel relaxed, slightly sedated, and ready for a good night's sleep.

I was never much of a drinker. In high school and college I avoided alcohol like the plague, and waited until my twenty-first birthday to have my first drink (yes, really.) I was exceedingly proud of my ability to abstain at parties while my friends got inebriated. I suppose I was afraid of losing control. And throwing up. But now that I'm older, and more mature, I enjoy a shot of whiskey every now and then. And there's something to be said for the simple pleasure of sipping on a beer while sitting on a restaurant patio during a warm spring night.

Last week, the NY Times ran an article about a new trend developing in New York City stores. A collection of independent men's boutiques have started serving alcohol to shoppers, often tying in the type of drink served to the apparel being sold. Traditional men's lifestyle brands have long offered customers a glass of scotch while being fitted for a suit, a rite of passage for men stepping up into the business world. “It feels like a social experience, very James Bond or 1960s Playboy, but I guess it’s also kind of like Vegas — the more you drink you more you spend,” said Joey Rubenstein, an Internet entrepreneur, as he waited for the clerk to bring out his Hugo Boss sport coat. 

In hip New York City neighborhoods, several men’s wear stores are now lubricating the shopping experience with everything from microbrews to specially made cocktails. While few stores advertise the perk, some shoppers are now stopping in to stores for a drink before continuing on with evening activities, with shopping as an afterthought. And often, the store employees drink with the customers. “We’re not trying to get them drunk, we’ll have one with them,” said Karim Manuel Fresno, general manager at Groupe Seize sur Vingt. “We’re not just selling the clothes, we’re selling the experience. We promote the lifestyle.” 

Reading this article got me thinking about how my shopping experience would change if I was offered a drink while browsing the racks. There's no doubt that sipping on a cocktail puts customers at ease. At high-end stores that cater to women, customers have long been served champagne to reinforce the note of luxury which high-end merchandise symbolizes. Being served a drink encourages customers to remain in the store for an extended period of time, increasing the likelihood that they'd make a purchase. I can certainly see how shopping while tipsy would lead to more money spent, and possible buyer's remorse when the buzz wears off. And bonding with a store employee over a cocktail might encourage a more intimate shopping experience. 

How do you feel about being served while shopping? Would in-store cocktails encourage you to visit, and make a purchase, at a store? Have you ever sipped on a drink while browsing? Or do you believe this trend is going a bit too far? 

Market Publique vintage blazer; Anthropologie ruffled top; Gap cami; Citizens of Humanity jeans; vintage Coach satchel; Mia clogs;  Forever 21 bracelet; Forever 21 rhinestone earrings

Outfit Post: Haters Gonna Hate - Dealing with negative comments

Yesterday was a lovely day. I hopped out of bed bright and early, caught an ex-boyfriend on Fox News, interviewed a vintage shop owner (where I scored a dreamy pair of 1960's cat-eye glasses) and had a spontaneous lunch with the husband at a fantastic restaurant I'd never been to. The weather was perfect, there was no traffic on the roads, and to top it off, I was having an exceptionally good hair day.

And then I arrived home to a hurtful comment on my blog.

I suppose it was bound to happen sooner or later. I am well aware that exposing myself on a public forum makes me vulnerable to personal attacks. As a avid blog reader, I've heard the stories regarding hostile and nasty comments and knew I would eventually be at the receiving end. If you blog, the crazies will come. No matter how well-researched your posts are, how stylish your outfit is, and how witty you try to be, they'll be someone who believes they have a right to judge you or is looking to attack. But that rationale doesn't make it hurt any less. The comment in question was about my body, and it really stung, especially since I'm in recovery from anorexia.

After moping, pouting, and generally acting like a big baby, I picked myself off the floor and spent the night thinking about the best approach towards handling negative comments. As my blog grows, I am certain there will be more hostility as a result. It's unfortunate, and sad, but ultimately I am responsible for how I choose to react towards it. I believe that the way I respond to negative comments defines the person that I am. So here's my best advice for facing criticism and handling negative comments:

Resist the urge to respond immediately: After reading the comment I felt hurt, confused, and defensive. Was the commenter right? Who were they to criticize how I chose to dress, and my personal appearance? My fingers felt itchy with the urge to pound out a snarky response. Instead I took a deep breath, closed my laptop, and put on some music to distract myself. Responding, especially while in the throes of emotion, would only make things worse and potentially cause me to behave in a way I'd regret.

Put yourself in their shoes: Giving the benefit of the doubt to a negative commenter can be extremely difficult. But it might help you gain some perspective. Perhaps the poster is going through a break-up, has suffered a loss or is struggling with financial difficulties. Their rude behavior is much more about their personal issues than it is about you. A good rule of thumb is that nasty or negative comments are never about you or what you’ve written. They are always about the person who wrote them. Even if people disagree with what you’ve said, most of them can do it in a sane & respectful fashion. Those who can't are obviously struggling with issues deeper than what you've written or how you look.

Refrain from confrontation: Defending yourself in these matters can be tricky business. You don’t want to present yourself in a bad light with your readers, and stooping to someone else’s level rarely gets you anywhere. When I first read the comment I felt as if I had to defend myself, and was hungry to have the last word. However, doing so would likely have resulted in more inflammatory comments and emails. Engaging in these actions would have been nothing more than a waste of time and energy, and only distract me from the positive things I'm trying to do with my blog.

Delete, delete, delete: Seeing as the comment provided no constructive criticism or positive benefit, I chose to delete it. Rendering it into digital oblivion felt really good. Some bloggers might have approved the comment as a way of garnering support from followers. Others might have taken the opportunity to privately respond to the poster. Personally, I don't believe initiating a potentially tricky line of communication is worth it. Depending on your blogging software, you might be able to block the poster from ever commenting again.

Live and learn:  Receiving negative or rude comments is a part of blogging. There will always be some troublemakers who have nothing better to do than start - and fan - the flames. Develop a thick skin, don’t stoop to their level, and conduct yourself in a professional, respectful tone.

What has your experience been with receiving negative comments? How did you chose to respond? Do you have any other advice for handling negative comments?

Forever 21 linen shirt; TJ Maxx white tee; AG Adriano Goldschmied boyfriend jeans; Gap sandals; thrifted vintage clutch; Gap Outlet belt; Urban Outfitters necklace; eBay bracelets

 

Outfit Post: My name is Elissa, and I am a changing room rageaholic

There are so many things that are great about shopping. Inhaling the sweet scent of leather in in the Fossil store? Great. Finding the perfect pair of wedges that make your feet simultaneously comfortable and stylish? Happy happy joy joy. Lounging at the MAC counter chatting with all the adorbz make-up artists in an attempt to figure out how on God's green earth one is supposed to wear Lady Gaga's lipstick which, I'm sorry, looks like foundation, and why would one make the CHOICE to slather foundation on their LIPS? That too is so, so great (if slightly mystifying. Apparently we are supposed to line our lips in magenta or fuchsia lip liner as an "interesting contrast." I have no desire to look like Krusty the Clown, so no thanx.)

There is one little itty bitty thing that I do not like about shopping. And that's trying things on. Just the thought of taking my clothes off makes me shake my tiny ineffectual fists into the air and shout WHY GOD, WHY????? I am not the most thoughtful person when planning a shopping excursion. I do not engage in sensible tactics like wearing dresses and other articles that are easily slip-off-able. No. I am the girl in a tank layered under a button-down which is layered under a cardigan that's layered over oppressively skinny jeans that are off course paired with tall boots and knee-high socks. I am that girl. Which, as a style blogger and fashion writer, is redonk.

I wear this suit of armor as a psychological tactic. See, I hate being nekkid, and I REALLY hate being nekkid in a dressing room. It's too small, and the lighting is horrid, and I am convinced trick funhouse mirrors are involved, and the door never seems to lock securely if there's a door at all, because sometimes there's just a filmy curtain separating me from the general public and I'm naked and what if some intrusive dressing room lady tries to come in and "help" and OM GOD BLOODTHIRSTY BARGAIN SHOPPING ZOMBIES COULD ATTACK ME AND HAVE I MENTIONED THAT I'M NAKED??? So I wear lots and lots of clothes as a way of psyching myself out of trying things on. See? I is a smart. Or not. Because inevitably when I get home and do try everything on I find that only 14% of what I purchased actually fits. Which means I have to go back to the store, and return stuff. /fail

So I was all together unsurprised when I learned from a survey that many women experience something called "changing room rage," wherein store fitting rooms leave them frustrated and cranky. You don't say.

Sky News reports that a survey found 48% of respondents felt frustration in fitting rooms, while 58% suffered disappointment. Half said they tried on clothes at home to avoid the problem, while 75% said they avoided trying them on at all. All of these are apparently symptoms of "changing room rage" or CRR, which can allegedly "lead to shoppers snapping at retail assistants, storming out of stores and even losing self-confidence."

It should be noted that this survey was conducted on behalf of isme.com, an online clothing company, so it seems obvious that they have a vested interest in attracting customers who do not like shopping in stores. And, call me crazy, but I don't see how it's possible that half the women tried clothes on at home, while three-quarters avoided trying on clothes AT ALL. That is the definition of a WTF, if you ask me. 

But still. Is it really that much of a shock that women hate dressing rooms? You wait in line for a long time to enter a tiny enclosed space with bad lighting, where you try on clothes that probably don't fit (either due to sizing inconsistency, or the narrow range of sizes many stores carry.) It's as if you have stepped into a dark netherworld dungeon where torture in the form of ill-fitting pants awaits you.

Personally, I found this survey kind of comforting, and a wave of solidarity washed over me after realizing I AM NOT ALONE. We rage-aholics really need to unite. Much like the suffragettes before us, we should be marching in picket lines, only this time demanding flattering lighting and comfy leather chairs for our friends to recline while we change and doors, doors that shut tightly and extend to the floor so no one can see our feet, and as long as we're asking for stuff a glass of chardonnay would be lovely too thanks for offering.

How do you feel about dressing rooms, and trying on before buying? Do you typically purchase things without trying them on first? Do you shop online as a way of avoiding stores and dressing rooms?

Forever 21 peasant blouse; Gap Outlet cargos; Mis Mooz wedges; thrifted vintage Coach satchel; Plato's Closet braided leather cuff; Dolly Python stamped leather cuff; World Market catholic saints bracelet; geode bracelet

Outfit post: The care and feeding of a redhead

Let me share a wee little secret: I am not a natural redhead. (SHOCKING, I realize. And, in other news, water is wet.) My natural hair color falls somewhere between dishwater brown and Betty White's. I started going gray around my senior year of high school, when my heartthrob crush (we'll call him Marc) loudly and rather emphatically drew my attention to a thick gray hair peeking out from my angled bob. I was mortified, and spent the remainder of my high school career hiding from him and begging my mom for permission to color my hair.

My adventures as a redhead began in 1994, when I plunked down $7 of babysitting money for a box of Nice and Easy haircolor in natural light auburn. Yes, there were numerous mishaps in those early days of at-home hair color: stained fingers; a month of purplish-burgundy hair after accidentally leaving the color on longer than instructed; dye drips down the back of my neck; and an unfortunate attempt at coloring my eyebrows. I could describe these in further detail, but I prefer to leave them in the past. Because they're mortifying.

Eventually I got the hang of at-home color, and began to look forward to the nights I colored my hair. And I learned a few things about being a redhead: 

• As a redhead, men will like you. A lot. Probably because they fall victim to the cultural myth that redheads are fiery and saucy and highly sexed. Jonathon Swift satirized (and popularized) this redhead stereotype back in 1726, in the third chapter of Gulliver's Travels, when he wrote: "It is observed that the red-haired of both sexes are more libidinous and mischievous than the rest, whom yet they much exceed in strength and activity." Over time, you'll become proficient at ignoring (or telling off) the leeches who proclaim their love for your red hair.

• Everyone - and I mean everyone - will ask you if your hair is "natural." No matter whether your red hair is from a box or gifted from God. It's kind of like being pregnant with twins, and strangers question whether fertility drugs were the cause.

• Red hair color fades really quickly, and you'll be forced to become an expert on shampooing and styling techniques to prevent fade. For example, I only wash my hair every other day, and rely on a color-depositing shampoo like Bumble and Bumble's Color Support Shampoo in True Red. Devotees of red hair color should avoid frequent heat styling and chlorine, and shampoo with cool water.

• Finding the right shade of red hair color can be tricky. A very subtle red may not be noticeable in dark hair or against darker skin, while a brighter shade may stand out too much on those with fair skin. It's a good idea to try a temporary washout color treatment in the experimental stages. If you don't like the color, a few rinses in the shower should wash out the color.  

I absolutely love being a redhead. It suits my outgoing, extroverted personality and makes me feel a bit more unique. Some say blondes have more fun, but I beg to differ. In a world where blonde is the norm (and especially here in North Dallas) vibrant red heads stand out in the crowd. 

Would you ever consider going red? Or are you a redhead already? Do you have any tips for preventing color fade? 

Anthropologie tank; Gap Outlet cargos; Stuart Weitzman wedges; Forever 21 necklaces; Forever 21 bracelets; TIKKR watch

Outfit Post: My first kiss went a little like this...

Today I am wearing shorts with tights and boots. The last time I sported this look was in 1988. I had a really unfortunate perm and spent hours making mix tapes (y'all know what a cassette is, right? It's a demonic device that get tangled and twisted and eventually knotted into one gigantic mess that leaves you swearing and defeated.) I had also just received my first kiss, and drew the following conclusions about kissing and life in general:

1. Kissing is disgusting. 
2. Kissing is gross. 
3. Kissing is overrated.
4. I will never kiss anyone ever again. 
5. Ever.

These sentiments were not exactly those I expected to have after fourteen years of watching the birthday-cake-sitting-on-the-kitchen-table kissing scene in Sixteen Candles, and the dropping-the-purse-in-the-rain-in-the-parking-lot-after-prom kissing scene in Pretty in Pink.

I met First Kiss during a spring break jaunt with my family to a friend's farm in Upstate NY. He was a sixteen year old country boy with sandy blond hair that fell into his eyes in a sexy, pre-Justin Bieber sort of way. For a week we swam together in the lake, went out for ice cream, and talked around the fire late into the evenings. On my last day of my trip he led me into a barn, through dusty horse stalls and towards a dark corner. I knew in my head that he was going to kiss me that day. He knew I had never been kissed, and that I wanted my first kiss to be with him. Plus, I was fourteen and scared that if I didn’t kiss someone (him) soon I would surely die an old maid.

He leaned across and took me by surprise. Instead of the lustful, drawn-out, passionate staring into one another's eyes I expected before our mouths met, I felt a forceful smash of the lips to the face and a tongue halfway down my throat (or so it felt.) It was too wet, too slimy, too aggressive.There was no romance. No passion. I felt disgusted and duped, but I also knew that wasn't how it was supposed to feel. Unfortunately, that kiss did repel me from kissing for quite awhile. I seriously thought that I could never enjoy it. Ever.

Thankfully, I dated a lot of boys after First Kiss, and I eventually learned that as intimate as a kiss is, it's even better when it's with someone who really knows what they're doing. One should not need a shower after being kissed. The lips should not feel bruised. And if the sensation of being choked is present, run like hell. Sure, there's a time for full blown, against the wall, hands on the face, unrestrained passionate kissing accompanied by the frantic removal of clothing. But then again, a sweet brushing of the lips, simple in its intent, is just as delicious.

I was thinking of First Kiss when I got dressed this morning. Surely he'd approve of my tights under shorts styling. Despite the fact that it's been years since I pulled off this look, I think I did pretty well.


What was your first kiss like? Did it intrigue you, or repel you? Do you think bad kissing is a relationship deal-breaker? And how do you feel about the denim shorts with tights revival?

Gap windowpane blouse; Gap Outlet tee (under blouse); Gap denim shorts) Gap Outlet belt; target tights; thrifted J Crew boots; Gap crossbody belt; Plato's Closet leather belt

Outfit Post: How many sizes hang in your closet?

Yesterday, emboldened by the suddenly warm weather, I decided embark on an epic quest to clean out my closet. One of the things I insisted on when we relocated here to Dallas was a  walk-in closet in the master bedroom. As a former New Yorker raised in teeny tiny apartments, I've spent the majority of my post-adolescent life daydreaming of the Perfect Closet. As a result, my closet fantasies have grown increasingly intricate for a space some might consider insignificant (and by some, I mean men. Men whose footwear is limited to a pair of Chucks and scuffed black dress shoes. You know those men.)  

My Perfect Closet is a spacious, airy room, flooded by daylight from floor-to-ceiling windows and antique chandeliers. Anchored by a pink quilted fainting couch, it features custom-designed closet rods designed to bear the considerable weight of maxi skirts, dresses, jeans and blazers. Perfect Closet also includes a generous array of padded, compartmentalized drawers to hold jewelry, lingerie, tights and socks. Rows and rows of shelves are dedicated to shoes, organized by color, heel height, and brand. Floor-length mirrors make it possible for me to know exactly what I look like without relying on my husband's opinion (which is always the same. "Uh, you look great...I mean hot...I mean thin. Yeah, that's it.") Perfect Closet comes fully equipped with an Italian seamstress and Italian-English interpreter for said seamstress. It would always be immaculate; it would always be organized; and it would always smell like clean laundry, suede, and Gucci Envy.
 
Basically, imagine Mariah Carey's closet, but with less glitter and butterflies.

Dream lover, come rescue me.

Naturally, the reality of my closet doesn't quite meet with the fantasy. Instead of custom-made shoe cabinets and padded drawers, it features haphazard mounds of rejected potential outfits, belts intertwined in a sexually suggestive manner, and twisted wayward hangers. However, it's a walk-in, and includes plenty of room for my ever-growing collection of vintage clothes and whatever intriguing crap I haul home from the Goodwill.

While struggling through Project Closet Purge yesterday, I couldn't help but notice that the size of my garments varied. Widely. One shirt was a XS; two skirts, one a size four and one an 8, shared a hanger; another top was a M. I recently learned that the majority of women have a minimum of three sizes in their wardrobe. What gives? I have a number of theories:

• Weight fluctuations: We all have things we can't wear because they're too big or too small. Many of us own articles of clothing in "aspirational sizes" - items in smaller sizes we either used to wear, or own merely to emotionally flagellate ourselves into eating less and exercising more. I'm always reluctant to get rid of items that don't fit. It makes sense: I spent good money them! And I might even love that blouse/dress/pair of jeans! Having an emotional attachment to an item certainly makes it more challenging to part with. Furthermore, if your weight yo-yo's,  there's a little voice in the back of your head whispering keep it, you might wear it again. And there's really no way to know if this voice is right.

• Complex Proportions: Quite often (and this will simply shock you) our bodies refuse to conform to one size. Occasionally, and stop me if you've heard this, your top half and bottom half are different sizes. Large-busted and small-hipped; small on top and larger bottom; tiny waist and fuller hips; broad-shouldered and petite. Most clothes rarely account for such wide variations. Traditional sizing revolves around six different body types: round, inverted triangle, hourglass, pear, diamond, and straight. However,  today's fashion industry has replaced the six different categories with two terms, “bottom-” or “top” heavy, with multiple combinations between each. A Google search regarding dressing for your body type revealed over eleven million pages. It's no wonder our closets hold so many sizes.

• Standardized Sizing Is A Joke: This is ridiculous and not discussed enough. If you wear a Small T-shirt from the Gap, you'll need a Medium at Abercrombie & Fitch. If you wear a size two at Loft, you'll need a four or six at Urban Outfitters. Occasionally, even garments sold at the same store won't have congruent sizing. Take Target and Old Navy. I've bought the same style pants in different colors, all in the same size. One pair was too big, one too small, and one just right. There is no reasonable explanation for this. Nothing causes more cognitive dissonance for me than to know that my beloved faux leather bomber jacket from Target is an XL while the T-shirt I'm wearing under it is a small.

• Vanity Sizing: According to Wikipedia, vanity sizing, also known as size inflation, is used to refer to the phenomenon of ready-to-wear clothing of the same nominal size becoming larger over time. So pants you purchase in stores today might be two to three sizes smaller than those you purchased five years ago, despite no change to your weight. Vanity sizing, as its name suggests, is designed to satisfy buyers' wishes to appear thin and feel better about themselves. However, in the end, you have no clue what size you really are.

Of course, it doesn't matter how many sizes you have. But I'm curious - have you struggled with sizing issues? Do emotional attachments make it difficult for you to get rid of things? Do you purchase clothes in aspirational sizes as a weight loss or fitness goal? What do you think about vanity sizing? Has it affected how you shop? And...just for fun...what does your dream closet look like? 

Thrifted Target blazer; thrifted Romeo and Juliet Couture tee; thrifted vintage Ann Taylor silk skirt; Gap Outlet tights; Urban Outfitters 6x6 booties; Gap crossbody bag; Forever 21 bracelet; Betsey Johnson watch

Outfit Post: Do you dress older or younger than you really are?

I'm going to start this post with a confession: I am closer to 40 than I am to 20. A lot closer. However, I wear clothes that most twenty-somethings embrace - such as miniskirts, mixed patterns, trapeze tanks (like I have on today) and platform booties. My favorite stores include Forever 21, Lulu's, and Urban Outfitters, stores that attract twenty-somethings like bees to honey. And I love my tattoos, crazy bright red hair, and willingness to experiment with my ever-changing personal style.

However, as I've gotten older, I've become a bit more concerned about dressing age-appropriately while continuing to wear the things that make me feel the most me. I cannot relate to the desperation to look younger that some women have. I will never inject my face with poison to banish wrinkles. I will never willingly fork over money to get my lips plumped, cellulite treated, or face lifted. To be honest, when I get dressed in the morning, I don't spend much time thinking about the age-appropriateness of my outfit. If I like how I look, that's enough for me, whether I'm garbed in Forever 21 or pulling on an Ann Taylor cardigan and pants.

However, I was intrigued by a January survey from British department store Debenhams, which reveals that a whopping 89% of women "desire to dress younger than their years," and that 55% consider 70 the ideal age to finally start dressing the part of someone born in their birth year. According to CNBC, "Most women felt that their thirties and forties were torn between dressing frumpier when adjusting to demands of babies and small children and a growing concern with looking younger. Over 50% said they started to dress younger in their thirties and 90% admitted they had started to dress younger by their mid-forties."

A spokesperson for the store says, "You only have to look at celebrity examples like Elle Macpherson and Sophia Loren to see that women are looking younger than ever. So it's no surprise that our customers are also dressing for how they feel, rather than what it says on their drivers license - and we want to encourage them." 

Perhaps the most revealing part of the survey was that only 12% of men, by comparison, had ever considered dressing to look younger. 

For most women, adapting your style to your age is no different to dressing for your body type, or your personal style, or your lifestyle. Defining, and dressing age appropriately, is a touchy subject for many women. This study led me to wonder why age-appropriate dressing is a tricky area to navigate:

• People don’t like to be labeled: Judging people as groups instead of individuals poses problems. We prefer to be seen as unique creatures, and how we chose to dress is definitely an individual choice. For example, saying that “women over 40 should not wear miniskirts” is far too general. How short is the skirt? Are you 41 or 89?

• The discrepancy between body and mind: The physical signs of aging start to kick in during our late thirties and early forties. Yet it’s exactly at this age where our intellect and experience really come into their own. Many women are more accepting of themselves. So just as we are becoming more confident and sure of who we are, our bodies start to let us down.

• Dressing to hold onto our youth: We can’t get back the years that have passed, and realizing that they’re gone can be a hard blow to accept. As a result, some women chose to dress younger as a way of retaining their youth.

I think I may start to gravitate towards the women's section a little more when I am, oh, say around 60. I am 36 years old (there, I said it) but can't see myself falling out of love with my skinny jeans, form-fitting tops and mini skirts any time soon. I do wear much less revealing clothing than I did when I was younger - no more low-cut tops or extremely short, tight dresses for me. On the flip side, I know plenty of women younger than me who like to dress "older", exploring their personal style through more modest pieces such as knee-length skirts and blazers.

I love the idea that age is just a number-  check out Helen Mirren in a bikini! - but when do we stop looking like we're flaunting our fabulous figures and start looking a little ridiculous for trying too hard? Do you agree with the survey that says 70 is the perfect time to start dressing your age? Do you think you fairly represent your generation when you get dressed, whatever that may be? Do you dress older or younger than you really are? Leave a comment and discuss!

TJ Maxx trapeze tank; Target racerback tank (underneath); Gap Outlet Cargos; Gap studded sandals; Urban Outfitters necklace; TIKKR watch

Outfit Post: Thank you for being a friend

Like most women, I have given thorough and serious thought to the state of my closet should I get killed during the day. Say some moron cuts me off on the George Bush Turnpike (this is Texas, people...be happy there's only one major roadway named after a member of the Bush family) and slams my truck into a guardrail, sending me flying through the windshield. Or I could get accidentally mowed over by a neighbor's hulking riding lawn mower, an instrument of noise so piercing I worry about both permanent hearing loss and carnage. Or a woman pushing a jogging stroller through the narrow aisles of Nordstrom runs over my big toe, causing me to back into a towering display of Gucci purses, which immediately topple and fall on my skull, crushing me with their heavy gold ostentatious hardware and fine Italian woven fabric, smothering me to death. What then? After the shocked states, the ambulance, the hospital, the funeral, the trays of casseroles and instant-diabetes desserts...

Back in my room, right at this moment, my bed is being swallowed by a mountainous pile of clothing - potential outfits for my trip to the Texas Style Council Conference (TxSCC) this afternoon. Abandoned hangers lie tangled together on the floor. The day I plunge off an highway overpass will in all likelihood be a day when my room looks exactly like it does now. Or the day before I need to do the laundry or the day I decided to clean out my closet, got bored or distracted halfway through, and decided to watch reality TV in my thrifted red  shiny western button-down instead. I have pictured the potentially cold manner my husband would discard the clothing and accessories in my closet, failing to realize just how valuable and cherished these items are. Like this sparkly vintage Golden Girls-esque bed jacket I'm wearing today. In his eye, it's an old musty jacket with missing sequins and bits of unraveling thread. My soul heaves when daydreaming about the heartless way he's bag my clothes up, tossing them nonchalantly into black Hefty bags, and hurling them into the nearest Goodwill drop-off bin.

However, I'd like to give him the benefit of the doubt, thinking he'd be literally blinded by grief, choking back tears, too upset to go through the process of unloading my things. Or perhaps he's recognize their value and invite my friends to chose which items they'd take. "Packing up her closet is much too painful," he would tell them, courageously bearing the weight of his grief. "She'd want you to have that Forever 21 lace blouse, (sniff) those thrifted Paige jeans, (sob) and that 80's era prom dress." Surely they'd recognize the critical importance my wardrobe has on the world. 

And now I must banish these morbid thoughts from my head, and resume packing. If I'm going to plunge off a bridge in Austin, God knows I'll be the best-dressed accident victim out there. I'll be on break from blogging for the next few days, schmoozing with other fabulous fashion bloggers. Don't leave me, lovers...I'll be back with plenty of pics and gossip.

Vintage thrifted bed jacket; Forever 21 v-neck; Gap Outlet cargos; Stuart Weitzman wedges; Forever 21 feather rhinestone earrings

 

Nine-oh-two-one-oh hello, polka dots! (Everybody, Everywear)

Right now on my nightstand perches a tower of magazines so precipitous that it threatens to topple and cause irreparable damage to my wood floors. Along with Tori Amos bootlegs, jeans, and lip gloss, I've always had a thing for magazines. I got my first subscription to Seventeen when I was in the ninth grade. I'm unsure of the exact year because I vehemently avoid math of any sort aside from calculating my clothing budget for the month. I also refuse to disclose the year I graduated high school because it was so long ago that written communication was limited to cave paintings and hieroglyphics.

I took great pleasure in answering those insipid little magazine quizzes about whether you should have sex with your boyfriend (whom I always fantasized to be Brandon Walsh from 90210, but apparently he never got the memo because I am STILL waiting for my phone to ring)  and what your perfume says about your personality and what styles of sunglasses were most flattering for your facial features. In case you're wondering, Seventeen never once recommended when one should have sex with their boyfriend. They were basically against the entire thing.

However, my true magazine love was bullet focused on the fashions. Oh, the FASHIONS! (say this in zee accent of zat zany episode 90210 when Brenda takes on zee affected French accent to seduce zat cute boy during zee senior trip to Parreee. ZEE FAZZIONNNNS!) I have VERY vivid memories of the 90's spreads in Seventeen (and YM and Sassy and Mademoiselle, for that matter.) I never had the urge to be a designer or even learn to sew a button onto my shirt, but I very clearly recall how much in lurve I was with those clothes. It doesn't surprise me that those distinctively 90's fashion trends are so hot right now. The loud florals! The statement necklaces and Doc Martins and maxi skirts! The mixed patterns! While I was doing "research" for this post (i.e scouring blogs, an activity which is coming dangerously close to replacing my magazine obsession) I came across some very colorful teen magazine spreads celebrating the more-is-more 90's spirit.

A natural, healthy body on the cover of a magazine, as opposed to the emaciated models hawking clothing today, is nothing short of a revelation.  And that bold floral bikini gives me the wants so hard.

Teen fashion in the 90's was just all-out fun. This looks FUN, right? The decade gave us a lot to be grateful for. Like the combination of stripes and florals and patterns.

Doc Martins, flannel, and striped? Yes please. (Though the beanie has got to go.)

A friend recently told me that if you were a follower of a fashion trend the first time it came around, you should avoid it like the plague should it resurface again. I always kind of agreed. But seeing these spreads made me reconsider - hence my polka-dot pattern-mixing of today (which happens to coincide perfectly with today's polka dot challenge on Everybody, Everywhere.) Kelly Taylor would approve. (And P.S - I did not wear this blouse two days in a row...these pics were taken last week in preparation because my husband is out of town today. So there.) 

Gap blazer; Forever 21 silk blouse; thrifted vintage polka-dot skirt; Gap Outlet tights; Urban Outfitters 6x6 booties; Forever 21 necklaces; Forever 21 bracelets

Outfit Post: Going easy on myself

I am hard on my body.

I spend countless hours hunched over my laptop, eyes squinting and straining long into the night. I jam my feet into constricting pointy-toed flats and spindly high heels. I nurse blisters while logging miles on the treadmill. Tight skinny jeans are an integral part of my wardrobe. I toss and turn so much when I sleep that I wake with some fantastic kinks in my neck and back. And I was downright sadomasochistic when I was in the throes of my eating disorder.

For years I believed that pampering was selfish and self-indulgent. I refused to participate in anything I considered luxurious and unnecessary, including taking baths, shopping (I know, can you believe it?) napping, and even taking an Advil when I had a headache. I prided myself on my ability to push through exhaustion and deprive myself. Ultimately, this was about staying disconnected from my body. I was so uncomfortable with feeling that I did everything possible to prevent it. The goal was to keep myself as numb as possible.

Over the past few years I've learned how important self-compassion is. People who neglect their own needs and forget to nurture themselves are more susceptible to low self-esteem and feelings of resentment. Also, those who spend the majority of their time focusing on others while ignoring their own needs can be at risk of burning out. The NY Times recently featured an article expounding on the importance of self-compassion. People who score high on tests of self-compassion have less depression and anxiety, and tend to be happier and more optimistic. Preliminary data also suggests that self-compassion can even influence how much we eat, and may help some people lose weight.

Thankfully, being nice to yourself doesn't require a ton of money or big investment. It can be as simple as taking a walk, grabbing a cup of coffee, or listening to music. I don't go for expensive indulgences or anything complicated...actually, the simpler the better. Here are my favorite ways to pamper myself:

1. Fresh flowers: I think I can count the number of times I've bought myself flowers on one hand. Which is really a shame, because they make me feel so good. Whether they're a $5 bunch of daisies from the supermarket or a $60 arrangement of roses and lilies, flowers remind me that I'm feminine and sensual. And they smell nice too.

2. Good wine: It can be tough to rationalize spending more than $10 on a bottle of wine. But having a glass at the end of the day is such a delicious treat. I always feel very grown-up and sophisticated when pouring myself a glass of wine. But, then again, I'm a dork.

3. Baths and bubble baths: Baths are my universal cure-all. Feeling cold? Depressed? Exhausted? There is no more effective cure than sinking into scalding hot water and zoning out. A rich, aromatic bubble bath makes the experience that much better. I'm partial to those from TokyoMilk and Bath and Body Works, though any old kind of bubble bath does the trick. Thick shower gels and lotions make me feel pampered and girlish and remind me to take better care of my skin.

4. Candles: I was never really into candles. I know women who have so many around that their houses resemble monasteries. But in the last two years I've been burning candles more often. They instantly relax me, and they smell so good. My favorite is the Baltic Amber candle from Voluspa - it smells like vanilla, cedar and sandalwood.

5. Time with friends: This one seems silly - being with friends hardly seems luxurious, right? But it's so easy to get caught up in the responsibilities of work, parenting, housekeeping, boyfriends and spouses that we lose track of connecting with others. I've gone through periods where I lived a hermit-like existence, forgetting to return phone calls and emails and neglecting to make time for dinner and drinks with my friends. But I always, always feel better after meeting up with them. Last night I met up with Tina of T Minus T Plus and Erin of Work With What You've Got. I had a great time and feel more confident and connected today as a result.

What are some ways you pamper and take care of yourself? How do you reduce stress? Do you ever find it challenging to take care of yourself?

Forever 21 silk top; Gap Outlet jeggings; thrifted Justin vintage boots; thrifted J Crew denim shirt; thrifted vintage western belt; Forever 21 necklaces; Forever 21 bracelets

Pattern Mixing: Everyone's a critic

There are a lot of things I love about blogging. I love drumming up topics to write about and doing research for a post. I love sharing tips regarding thrifting and shopping for vintage. I love networking with other fashion bloggers through my own blog, IFB, Twitter, and Facebook. And I love reading other blogs and learning all I can about the ever-changing world of fashion and personal style.

However, the thing I adore most about blogging is the wealth of learning opportunities, both within and outside of fashion. Because, truth be told, I'm a gigantic nerd. I was one of those people who cried at their high school and college graduations not because I was afraid to enter the "real world," but because it meant I would no longer be in class. Whether it's statistics, html code, or the proper way of blending eye shadows, I'm that hand-waving, brown-nosing, front row student bursting with enthusiasm. I take copious notes. I watch how-to clips on YouTube. I make magazine pages hemorrhage with fluorescent yellow highlighter. I am a certifiable dork.

This week one of my goals was to try my hand at pattern-mixing. In case you've been living under a rock, forming an ensemble around mixed patterns (and textures) has been a hot fashion trend since, well, Marc Jacob's plaid-heavy grunge collection back in 1992. Naturally, I planned my attack carefully. I methodically researched pattern-mixing on Google, bringing up tips from a encyclopedic collection of different sources. Glamour suggested working around a base color. Academichic recommended allowing one pattern be the dominant player over another, such as a tweed skirt with a striped sweater. Suzy of Miss Vinyl Ahoy advised me to think of one pattern as a solid, such as a blouse with small polka dots or a tiny print, and pair a bolder item with it. On Kelinda.KELINDA, I also learned to pair loud patterns with more subtle ones, while Pixie In Pumps' style inspiration folder gave me a glimpse into pattern-mixing on the runway. And no one does pattern mixing as well as my style guru Erin of Work With What You've Got.

This morning I woke up feeling refreshed and confident, armed with pages of research and closet full of patterned separates. I would so rock this, I decided. My gold cable-knit sweater, striped long-sleeved tee, and floaty floral skirt seemed perfect for my debut into pattern-mixing. Carefully I put the pieces on, sauntered out my bedroom, and left the house for a day of errands and thrifting.

Either I failed miserably at pattern mixing, or the public isn't quite ready for this clearly adventurous look, because I received many quizzical looks during the day. Some women outright stared. Teenagers elbowed each other, encouraging closer examination of my ensemble. The check-out woman at Kroger informed me that I looked"...interesting" (insert sneer.) However, the harshest criticism originated from my own family, when my youngest child coldly announced that I looked "like a crazy hobo." Harsh. Then again, this is how he prefers to dress:

Foam Mario Bros. hat, white shorts, and a blankie. It's what all the hip people are wearing this season, apparently.

So I'm not that worried. I'll admit that mixing patterns was definitely out of my comfort zone. My particular combination took some getting used to. And I felt kind of rebellious all day...which was sort of fun.

Have you tried mixing patterns? Or do you shy away from this trend? Why or why not? And did I indeed fail miserably?

Thrifted Loft cardigan; thrifted J Crew long-sleeved tee; thrifted vintage Ann Taylor silk skirt; Gap Outlet tights; Nine West oxfords, Target belt